Here’s a great way to drain away the drama that distracts and upsets us at work and in life: demonstrate that we understand their perspective. “This is what I heard you say. Did I get that right?” Then ask that they hear ours. Here’s a great way to prolong the drama: try to outwit, out […]
Hire this person who has the experience or wait to find someone who fits our culture? Discount out of fear that this client will leave or hold out for clients who appreciate and pay for our value? If we make decisions for expediency and against our values, we give away the value of our values. […]
Most of the conflicts we see in the news and in our businesses are silly and wasteful. Stuck in our positions, we snipe, grouse, and power-struggle. No solutions (especially those belonging to others) are good enough. We can easily lose faith in our ability to make progress. This and all conflict melts away when we […]
We can give consequences so that people don’t screw up. “If you don’t complete this by Friday, we might as well kiss the Fortuna deal goodbye!” Or, “We really need to cut this check now or it’ll delay the project.” Threats like this can work in the short term. But they will damage trust and […]
For the most part, we can all agree about the symptoms of a problem (say, the volume of traffic at rush hour or a spike in complaints from our clients). With some coaxing, we can all agree about the pain the problem causes. But it’s too easy to be (actively or passively) at each others’ throats when we discuss why […]
“Here’s what you need to do…” People will resist our ideas and never change (or they might maliciously comply) when we start with us, our positions, and our reasons. People will listen to our ideas and (potentially) change their minds when we start with them. Starting with them includes respecting them, their ideas, and their absolute […]
“By when can you get that done?” If we ask people to get something done, it may get done. If we ask them if they can get it done by a certain date, they may negotiate the date. And they will more likely get it done on time, as promised. If someone has asked us […]
In an argument or negotiation, we often resist hearing the other person’s point of view. We are too busy formulating our responses. And we fear that if we acknowledge their perspective, we will be giving in, agreeing, losing. Nopitty nope. By listening and even acknowledging that they have a good point, we are only saying […]
Meetings and emails can certainly overwhelm us. Each one represents another request–or twelve!–to do something. How can this keep going? How can we possibly get everything done? Our job is not to get it all done. We are neither supposed to answer every email nor attend every meeting. We cannot possibly satisfy every request. We […]
When you are even a bit unsure about the value you deliver to your clients or your bosses, you will likely drop your price or accept less money. You will set the value bar low and it will take you years of proving yourself to raise it again. Along the way, it will be a […]