Where the Really Good Solutions Are Hiding

Posted Leave a commentPosted in We

Most of the conflicts we see in the news and in our businesses are silly and wasteful.  Stuck in our positions, we snipe, grouse, and power-struggle. No solutions (especially those belonging to others) are good enough. We can easily lose faith in our ability to make progress. This and all conflict melts away when we […]

Contributing to the Problem?

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In all conflicts, both sides contribute. Every time we get wound up by another’s behavior, we must stop to see how our reactions add to the problem. Once we see our contribution, we can change it. This does not mean that we are to capitulate, get angry, fall on our sword, or try to assign […]

beat up

Learning to Argue

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Strategy, We

Turns out that the best course of action is rarely the one we (first) thought of. To get the most out of them, we need to beat up our ideas. We need to mash them with other people’s ideas, finding the way forward that wouldn’t have occurred to any of us otherwise. Sadly, though, we tend […]

drop the rope

Drop the Rope

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An argument or conflict is like a tug-of-war. To win, you have to pull, pull, pull. Someone wins and someone losses. But what if we didn’t pull, pull, pull? What if we just dropped the rope? What if we chose not to battle? Choosing not to battle–not to argue–is not the same as capitulating. While […]

heavy

Drop the Weight of Other People’s Problems

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading, We

Sure, conflict arises between team members. In many cases, resolution is quick. Sometimes, though, the conflict gets personal. The affected team members complain vocally about or quietly sabotage each other. They form alliances. Work grinds to a crawl; what should be simple becomes a “federal case.” Fun evaporates. Everyone suffers. People then look to us, […]

judge

You Can’t Solve Team Conflicts

Posted Leave a commentPosted in We

We have all seen conflict arise between team members. In many cases, resolution is quick. Sometimes, though, the conflict gets personal. The affected team members complain vocally about or quietly sabotage each other. They form alliances. Simple decisions become “federal cases.” Work grinds to a crawl. Fun evaporates. Everyone suffers. People then look to us, […]

conflict

Defenseless

Posted Leave a commentPosted in We

Tense negotiations, touchy customer service problems, and other emotionally charged situations usually involve two or more parties protecting themselves from each other. No matter what form it takes–typically anger, aloofness, inquisitions, or passivity–such understandable protection has an awful side effect. In protecting ourselves, we squeeze off the very channels of communication we need to resolve […]

buns

Bunfights

Posted 3 CommentsPosted in We

If we don’t agree on what is now true, what we want it to be in the future, and why, then we are doomed to having unnecessary and maybe even  unsavory bunfights over the how, when, and who. If you are fighting over how, when, and who, stop. Go back. Make lists of what everyone […]