If we don’t agree on what is now true, what we want it to be in the future, and why, then we are doomed to having unnecessary and maybe even unsavory bunfights over the how, when, and who.
If you are fighting over how, when, and who, stop. Go back. Make lists of what everyone believes to be true now, what everyone wants to be true in the future, and what everyone says are the important reasons why. Getting to agreement with these lists is usually easy because we have room for most everyone’s perspective at this level. When we agree at this primary level, our next level conversations (the how, when, and who) simply flow because we have given them reason and guidance.
Though it can seem that going back to the primary level is a waste of time, it is way, way easier to start back there than to (“Look out! Dinner roll incoming at 10 o’clock!”) keep arguing.
In your corner,