If we don’t agree on what is now true, what we want it to be in the future, and why, then we are doomed to having unnecessary and maybe even unsavory bunfights over the how, when, and who.
If you are fighting over how, when, and who, stop. Go back. Make lists of what everyone believes to be true now, what everyone wants to be true in the future, and what everyone says are the important reasons why. Getting to agreement with these lists is usually easy because we have room for most everyone’s perspective at this level. When we agree at this primary level, our next level conversations (the how, when, and who) simply flow because we have given them reason and guidance.
Though it can seem that going back to the primary level is a waste of time, it is way, way easier to start back there than to (“Look out! Dinner roll incoming at 10 o’clock!”) keep arguing.
In your corner,
Mike
3 thoughts on “Bunfights”
Hmm. In life as in business! I think this would have been a good principle to apply with the sibling rivalry at the breakfast table this morning. Sometimes we are more invested in arguing than it finding a solution.
I like your approach. To make it easier for people to implement I would suggest focus on identifying something that everyone in the room can agree on. This could be a could be a principle, status, required action. Depending on the situation it can even be difficult to obtain agreement even on the status of something. I think the key is just starting with consensus and then you have set the tone for constructive work by the group.
Hi Debbie,
What an excellent idea. Start with consensus on something.
Thank you!
Mike