We Can Always

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When faced with big or continuous obstacles, we can say,

  • “I can’t,”
  • “This is impossible,”
  • “That’s not the right process,”
  • “There’s something wrong with me/you/them/it,”
  • “Maybe someone else will figure it out.”
  • “It’s not my fault.”
  • “You can’t make me.”
  • “You gotta take the bull by the horns,”
  • “The early bird gets the worm,”
  • “I’m gonna blast through,” or
  • “I don’t know how, but I’m sure we can jump in, use the smarts we have, and get started. Things always work out when we do.”

Which feels best? Which–he asks knowingly–will bring consistently more success?

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: We. Can. Always.

 

Today’s photo credit: Emery_Way Zeus Launches via photopin (license)

Seeing the Good

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 1 min.

Listen to conversations on the street, through the media, at work, and even at home. Much of what we hear is complaint. And too much complaint is bad for our health. Just being around it, our buzz drops and we become less vibrant, healthy, and effective.

We need a little complaint (from ourselves and others) so we can know what focus on next. But we’d do very well to limit exposure and spend more time plugged in, seeing the good, and offering people an antidote to all the complaint.

That’s what we need from you most, good leader.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Nicolas Raymond cc

focus

Focusing on What’s Wrong?

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Focusing on what’s wrong feels bad. And it is helpful as long as we continue on to what we want instead and what’s right already. Otherwise, we will be wallowing while thinking, perhaps that we’re solving problems.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: One way to tell if we’re wallowing is that we continue to feel bad. Another way is that we keep seeing less-than-desired results.

 

Today’s photo credit: plaisanter~ cc

It’s Where You Look that Matters

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It seems pretty true that we get what we focus on. So why do we insist on complaint, criticism, and otherwise focusing on what’s wrong at work and home?

Sure, make corrections, as needed. But concentrate on what’s right. Focus on the magic. Focus on people’s potential. And reap the rewards.

It’s where you look that matters.

In your corner,

 

Mike

take a number

When We Want to Whinge

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There’s nothing wrong with complaint as long as it is merely noticing. “Ah,  that’s something I do not prefer.” It’s the emotion behind the complaint–the frustration, worry, guilt, and sense of hurt justification–that confounds us and those around us.

We think it is natural. We are so used to being in this binding state of complaint that we can’t see how it is so detrimental to our goals. Bound up in what’s wrong, we push away both the the ideas and the people who would help us.

And we become blind to how quickly we can bounce away from complaint and into creative, helpful solutions directed at the object of our complaint. It is quite simple and quick, really.

The first step is to catch ourselves feeling how bad complaining feels. Next, we flip or ladder our way to feeling good. Thus freed, we can see and take advantage of the clever solutions that had been around the whole time, waiting for us to be ready to use them.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: silverfuture via photopin cc

complaint

Why It’s Better Move On

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, Will=Our inner game
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When something unwanted happens or when someone does something we don’t like, we tend to get upset. We read the Riot Act. We make sure everyone knows about how bad things are and who we think is to blame.

We do this because we think it will help. We feel justified in our protest and keenly motivated to keep at it. While we are in it, we think that not protesting is the same as agreeing with whatever we have disliked.

Not that it helps, mind you. The longer we focus on our displeasure, the further we get from solutions to whatever we’re upset about. Our upset keeps us in bad feelings. It lowers our ability to think the creatively. And it alienates those who would otherwise be perfectly ready to help us resolve the problems.

Let’s move on instead. The sooner we can get out of complaint, the sooner we can get into better feeling and productive solution.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: greensnapper2013 via photopin cc

Arguing for Our Own Limitations

Posted on 2 CommentsPosted in Will=Our inner game
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When we complain about, criticize, or blame others, ourselves, the situation, or the economy, we are actually arguing for our own limitation. By focusing in this way, we are saying that we can do little and that our efforts would be wasted.

And we then miss the opportunity to use our good minds, hearts, and hands to grow, win, help, enjoy, liberate, earn, build, love, and make a difference.

I recommend we go for the win over the explanations .

In your corner,

Mike

PS: You are so much more than you think.

Refusing to Go Along

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Others, when they are down, can take you into their tailspin. You will know you are heading down with them because you will feel bad and be in complaint mode.

You can  help yourself and help them by refusing to go along. Instead of focusing on the fact that they are down or what they are down about, try this approach:

  • Focus on the desired outcome.
  • Trust it will all work out.
  • Believe in them more than they believe in themselves.
  • Express your faith that they will see it through successfully.

Coach them through it: “This is going to work out. Let’s talk about your next steps.”

This approach an uncanny way of working out well.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Yes, you will have to focus, trust, believe, and express without data or evidence. And without faking it. It’s not hard, remember. It’s just not our usual habit. Give it a shot.

Juicy Goodness

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading
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Sure you can worry, complain, or get angry about another person’s decisions, behaviors, or attitude.  You can go ahead and demand, plead, negotiate, attack, capitulate, cajole, and tolerate. 

You will get better results if you see past all that and focus on their innate talents, potential, and goodness.

And you will be one heck of a leader if you can see and believe in all that good stuff within others even more than they themselves do.

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Remember how it feels when someone recognizes all your juicy goodness? Pass it on.

PPS: This is not to say that you don’t hold people accountable, give and request respect, set boundaries, or call them on stuff. Heavens, no.

New Year: How to Change the Stubborn Issues

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Success, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 3 min.

In this time of resolutions, reflection, and list-making, we can become understandably skeptical. Often the things we really want to be different just don’t change. We justifiably think that anything we might try now will suffer the same fate as past efforts.

Luckily, it’s not true. You can affect any change you want. Even (and especially) the stubborn issues. The solution is to change your focus.

We all tend to focus on the problem. When we have a persistent unwanted situation it’s a sure bet that our moment-to-moment thoughts contain complaint, anger, or worry about it.

“I hate how much I weigh.” “Why can’t we grow this business?” “I don’t have enough money.” “These people just don’t care or work hard enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “My boss doesn’t understand.” “Why am I so often alone?”

Our thoughts of complaint, anger, and worry are so habitual that we are often unaware of them. They make up the ground of our existence and we are blind to how they work and our power to change them. You can tell you’re thinking them because you’ll feel bad as you think them.

We stick with our problem-focus because we mistakenly think it will spur us to productive action. Actually, getting stuck on the problem locks the problem in place.

Let us instead focus on what we want. It is natural and helpful to notice what is not working, what we do not want.  To have the changes we want, we must continue past the thoughts of what’s wrong and focus on what we want. This means catching (not squelching, mind you) our moment-to-moment thoughts of worry, anger, and complaint about the problem then flipping them. It means building the habit of regularly describing, imagining, telling stories about, and feeling what we want. It means shifting toward expecting the change we want to happen.

As you shift your focus, you will notice new ideas, options, and actions that will take you where you want to go.

Why this works. Focusing on what’s wrong prevents us from seeing the ideas and options that will help us. Focusing on what’s wrong feels bad and drains our energy. It also pushes away others who might otherwise want to help. Focusing on what we want attracts others, pumps us with energy, feels good, and opens us to helpful ideas, options, and actions.

It is simple to shift our focus toward what we want. It may not be easy because we are so used to focusing on we do not want. It is so worth it, though.

 

In your corner,

Mike