The Wise Leaders’ Way to Sustained Happiness, Growth, and Freedom

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Growth, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

It’s not market share, innovation, or strategy. It’s not earning per share, EBITDA, or another round of funding. It’s also not left-wing, right-wing, or centrist policies. Though it sounds like Sunday school treacle, we wise leaders know the way to sustained happiness, growth, and freedom. It is to help others achieve sustained happiness, growth, and freedom.

Simple.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: We know it because we’ve experienced the joy and profit of helping others be in any way more joyful and more profitable. If you haven’t yet, trust and try it.

 

Today’s photo credit: FootMassagez Gift, Birthday, Surpise – Credits to https://costculator.com/ via photopin (license)

Jellyfish or Jackhammer?

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Do=Natural flow of action, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

We can act in response to what we think are other people’s judgments of us. (Yuck.) Or we can act according to what we want. (Lonely.)

Success at work happens when we do the later in service of other people, specifically other people whose problems and opportunities we find compelling.

Both. And.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Thomas Hawk Jack Hammering It via photopin (license)

all of us

What is The Secret of Successful People?

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter
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What is the secret of successful people? They succeed by making other people successful. They understand and live by “win-win.”

We cannot and will not be successful for very long if any of the people who matter to us are not winning, too. Our freedom, happiness, and growth demand other people’s freedom, happiness, and growth.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PPS: As we get this right, we will see more people who matter to us.

 

Today’s photo credit: Paul VanDerWerf cc

plopplop

Dissolving The Four Big Offenses

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 1 min.

Criticism, obstacles, rejection, and uncertainty are the four big offenses. We usually defend against one or more of these all the time. But this constant defensiveness wastes energy and leaves us less effective with a lower buzz.

Of course, we can make a choice not to defend. We first recognize that, despite our life-long habit, there is nothing we need to do at the moment. Instead, we wait with quiet anticipation. Soon, the perceived criticism, obstacles, rejection, and uncertainty will dissolve.

In its place, if we pay attention, we will see that it had nothing to do with us: it is the other person’s issue and defensiveness. If we keep waiting, doing nothing, it will all dissolve for the other person, too. Do this live in a meeting or phone call and watch for the mini interpersonal miracles to follow. Seriously.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Because when we stop, they stop.

Today’s photo credit: Indi Samarajiva cc

tango

It Does Take Two to Tango

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Because, as leaders, we enter many relationships, we often find ourselves bothered by and reacting to other people’s actions. Whenever and with whomever we repeatedly feel angry, rejected, unsafe, or criticized etc., we have joined them in an unpleasant dance.

Intellectually we can see that it’s not all them; we own at least half of the problem. But we join the dance before our intellect knows what’s happening. Subconsciously, we run a program that says, in effect, “When they do X, I judge them in this way–it feels bad to me as I do, by the way–and respond like this. To do otherwise would be wrong or hurtful to them or me.”

And it’s not true. We have better choices.

We can catch ourselves getting tripped by their behavior. We can flip our judgments to thoughts that feel good. We can commit to win-win.

Doing so, we put our best foot forward to lead a new dance.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: J’ via photopin cc

I'm all ears.

To Change Someone’s Mind

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

In order to change someone’s mind, start where their mind is now. Should we start with our position–by convincing, educating, lobbying, telling, fighting, begging, tricking, arguing, ordering, or whining–they will raise shields. We must, instead, ask good questions and listen. They must first agree that we have heard their thinking before they will let us change it.

And, no, we don’t get free pass here if we are parents, bosses, employees, partners, citizens, or nations.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar via photopin cc

transmit

Feel Good Despite

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 2 min.

Have you noticed how others can set our mood? If another person is having a bad day, we can take it on, a little or a lot. We might start feeling as they do. Or we might react negatively to something they are feeling. Either way, we have let them decide whether or not we feel good.

This happens, to be sure, with people we are close to: spouses, kids, parents, bosses, peers, employees. It can also happen with strangers we pass on the street. And the mood of people in every form of media also can knock us off our game.

We can replace the habit of taking on others moods with a new habit. Let’s call this habit, “feel good despite.” Catch yourself when you feel bad after an encounter with another. No matter what they are feeling or doing, you can select a thought that feels even just a tiny bit better (any thought that feels better will do).

Then you will feel better and others will benefit from being around you.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Thoughts of criticism or blame toward the other person won’t feel good. If you catch yourself thinking thoughts like these, try thoughts like, “They are doing the best they can; we all are,” “They so get to have that opinion,” “What they think of me is really none of my business,” or “Peace.”

PPS: Of course, if another person is feeling good, we can let that feeling affect us all we want.

 

Today’s photo credit: billrdio via photopin cc

other

You Simply Can’t Know

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 2 min.

We often are baffled by other people’s behavior. And we rush to ascribe the causes. Yet in trying to figure out why she did this or he did that, we frequently end up misjudging them.

The truth is that we simply can’t know for sure what makes another person tick. (No, not even the people who are closest to us.) We cannot tell all that drives them, how they see themselves and the world, and who they are going to become tomorrow.

When we see another doing something we don’t understand, let’s pause instead of rushing to explain, judge. Let’s quietly honor them, celebrate them. They will notice the difference. When they do, we will have opened the doors to deeper collaboration, fun, and win-win results.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: We can learn enough, though, to become effective bosses, employees, partners, or co-workers. We can become better friends, more supportive family members, and better caring mates. Without needing to know or judge why, let’s understand their preferred ways of dealing with people, tasks, and information. Let’s look for evidence of their talents and the things they value. And let’s tune our approach to engage and collaborate more effectively with them.

 

Today’s photo credit: esti via photopin cc

How to Better Handle Other People’s Requests

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Do=Natural flow of action
Reading time: 2 min.

When people ask us to do things, we usually respond unthinkingly with “yes,” “no,” or silence. That’s because we are unsure about what else we have on our plates to do. If we are unsure and optimistic or unsure and not wanting to displease, we habitually say, “Yes.” If we are unsure and not wanting to over-commit or over-burden ourselves, we say, “No.” And if we are overwhelmed, we may choose silence; we don’t respond in hopes that the request will just go away.

Though each of these approaches can work, in the short term, we all want to be much more proactive and productive. Enter our Effectiveness System (and here).

When we have an effectiveness system that we really trust, we have 99+ percent of everything we could do, might do, or want to do in a central, easy to access place. It is up-to-date (within 24-hours or so). And we can celebrate knowing we don’t have to track all those things in our heads.

When we have an effectiveness system that we really trust, we can make an informed call whether to accept, reject, or renegotiate each request others make of us. That’s another reason to celebrate.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: D1v1d via photopin cc

why

Context

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 2 min.

Getting people to do stuff. Sheesh. That’s tough.

We try asking, telling, pleading, demanding, yelling, guilting, pushing, and praying. While these methods can work in the short term, people become immune to them over time. They will feel lectured or manipulated and find ways to avoid doing what we want. As their immunity grows, we usually ask, tell, plead, demand, etc. with more and more vigor. We won’t be successful this way.

Instead, give them the context. Tell them, show them why what we want them to do is important. Answer questions like these:

  • Why, in their words, do our clients need us?
  • Why would those clients choose us over other options?
  • Who is our ideal client?
  • How do we best serve our ideal client?
  • How does what I do contribute?
  • Why is that important?
  • How am I doing?

When you tell them the full story, they feel the compelling emotion and reason of it all. And more often than not, they will jump in and help.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

PS: Yes, it works at home, too. When I tell my sons to do something, there is often a battle. When I explain the context, they jump in.

Today’s photo credit: b4b2 via photopin cc