We have generally two ways to get others to do what we want. We can use “get my way” methods or we can go for win-win.
Though we might not like to admit it, we all have our “get my way” methods. We use these mostly under stress and often without knowing it. Common ones include being angry, disappointed, authoritative, aloof, dismissive, ‘right,’ ‘better than,’ hurt, insulted, offended, or pitiful. We use them because they worked for us in the (distant) past and because we assume that they are the fastest route.
The other way is win-win. Here we insist upon either finding a solution that works for us and them or choosing not to proceed. When we don’t go for win-win it’s because we think that asking them what they think takes too long. Asking also exposes our ideas to critique and change.
Yet “get my way” only appears faster. And it doesn’t work–not for long, anyway. While the actual transaction may be quite short, “get my way” generates poorer short- and long-term results. How likely, after all, is someone to give us their all when they don’t get a win out of it? They will immediately see our self-orientation and start pulling away. When we use “get my way,” we erode trust and encourage at least reluctant compliance or, at most, rebellion.
Going for win-win works and keeps on working. They will see that engaging with us is pleasant and profitable. They will bring their all. Then they and we will want to sign up for that deal over and over. Merely “getting our way” pales in comparison.
In your corner,