It seems that we instantly and all day long judge others as one of us or not one of us.
We may judge on skin color, education, political bent, gender, sexuality, weight, membership of this crowd or that, wealth, religion, title, clothing, hairstyle, accent, apparent intelligence, tone, body language, who their friends are, what kind of car they drive, where they live, what they eat, the music they like, etc. We can even judge others on how they remind us of other people we have known.
Evolutionary biologists will tell us our judgment helped us survive. Perhaps. But for most of our daily interactions, judging prevents us from connecting and thereby leading, influencing, or selling as easily as we could.
If we look closely enough, we can see that we are much more alike than different. We can set aside the judgments we’ve used to keep us apart. We can lay a significant block in the foundation of a trusting relationship. Upon this foundation we connect and derive win-win benefits. Our innate unity is profitable.
In your corner,
PS: “But,” you might think, “The evolutionary biologists have a point. There are people out there who are dangerous. How do we guard against the shysters and psychopaths?” Good question. First, we need not jump from stranger to complete trust in one instant. We can usually set aside judgment at first and build up trust along the way. Second, we can rely on all our other relationships for support, insight, and guidance. Third, we go for win-win. Remember, win-win is short for, “I win and you win or we don’t play.” As we get good at setting aside judgments and opening to people, we will will also be good at sensing when others are not reciprocating. When we feel bad, we walk.