Catch yourself when, in making a decision, you say, “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I have to.”
Even if we seem to be the authors of the thoughts, “shoulds” etc. are other peoples’ requests that we have accepted without full consideration. When we “should all over ourselves” with these thoughts, we waste energy, time, and effort on the ensuing guilt.
Far more effective is to ask, “What do I want? What do I choose here for myself and to help others’?”
In your corner,
PS: Shoulds, ought-tos, and have-tos feel rotten. And feeling rotten is no way to go. Feel good. Then act.
PPS: Setting aside the shoulds is not being selfish. It’s helping you be happier, freer, and growing. You’ll then be in a much better place to help others.