We’ve talked about it before: no one likes to be told what to do. When you tell anyone what to do, their shields go up and you experience tons of resistance. The only real solution is going for a win-win. And you start by understanding what would make a win for the other person.
What happens when the other person is you? And no, not when someone else is telling you what to do. What happens when it is you who is telling yourself what to do?
It happens all the time. For example, when you start a thought with “I should…,” “I gotta…,” “I have to…,” “I must…,” or “I need to..,” you are telling yourself what to do.
- “I have to bend over backwards for my clients and boss.”
- “I need to earn more money.”
- “I must exercise more and lose weight.”
- “I should reorganize my company.”
- “I gotta take out the garbage.”
And you will experience that same shields-up resistance. Except, in these cases, the resistance comes from inside you! Luckily the solution is the same: go for win-win and start by understanding what a win would look like…to you.
Next time you catch yourself “shoulding all over yourself,” use these questions to know what would make a win for you.
- What am I trying to get myself to do?
- What would be a win for the part of me that is resisting? And for the part of me that’s pushing for change?
- What would feel good here?
- What would bring more relief or joy?
- What would freedom feel like here?
To your continued success,