If we want to be calmer, kinder, more patient, more caring, a better listener, etc., do we start by generating the feelings of the attitude within or by doing the external, visible actions?
What works is the intent to be these things then come at it from both the inner feeling and external behaviors. Start with either one.
In your corner,
PS: What doesn’t work? Expecting that we can get what we want from people by doing the external technique (e.g. smiling) with no intent to become what the smile indicates (friendly, open, caring, etc.). We see right through that, don’t we?