Getting Others to See It Your Way

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

To get others to see things our way, we can try being louder, more energetic, more logical, more polite, or more correct.

Or (and this is much faster) we can first demonstrate to their satisfaction that we understand their way of seeing it.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: jimsheaffer Disco Ball via photopin (license)

Why Getting Our Way Is Worse Than We Think

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Reading time: 2 min.

We have generally two ways to get others to do what we want. We can use “get my way” methods or we can go for win-win.

Though we might not like to admit it, we all have our “get my way” methods. We use these mostly under stress and often without knowing it. Common ones include being angry, disappointed, authoritative, aloof, dismissive, ‘right,’ ‘better than,’ or pitiful. We use them because they worked for us in the (distant) past and because we assume that they are the fastest route.

The other way is win-win. Here we insist upon either finding a solution that works for us and them or choosing not to proceed. When we don’t go for win-win it’s because we think that asking them what they think takes too long. Asking them also exposes our ideas to critique and change.

Yet “get my way” only appears faster. And it doesn’t work–not for long, anyway. While the actual transaction may be quite short, “get my way” generates poorer short- and long-term results. How likely, after all, is someone to give us their all when they don’t get a win out of it? They will immediately see our self-orientation and start pulling away. When we use “get my way,” we erode trust and encourage at least reluctant compliance or, at most, rebellion.

Going for win-win works and keeps on working. They will see that engaging with us is pleasant and profitable. They will bring their all. Then they and we will want to sign up for that deal over and over. Merely “getting our way” pales in comparison.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Zaneology cc

How to Be Well Rewarded

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Most people don’t know what they want. And if they do, they probably don’t know how to get it. That’s how we can help them. We, the noble leaders, sellers, and influencers are committed to win-win. We know the process. And we are good at running the process: connecting, listening, & exploring, suggesting & negotiating alternatives, and finalizing & following up.

That’s why we get rewarded very well, tangibly and intangibly.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Cat Burton cc

We Have a Manipulation Problem

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence
Reading time: 2 min.

We have a manipulation problem. We don’t want to manipulate or be manipulated. But we all want to get various and sundry people to do what we want. So we tie ourselves in knots trying to get people to do stuff without even seeming manipulative.

But what if we could convince others in ways that they benefit? And what if we could do that convincing not with our ideas of what would be good for them and why but with their own, honest, deeply held reasons?

You may think this sounds too much like a certain orange man’s plan for getting other people to pay for his folly. But consider this: if someone has her own, valid, 100% self-generated, and self-beneficial reasons for agreeing with our suggestion, there can be no foul, no manipulation.

We can help others get to this place by first affirming that they do not have to do what we suggest; the choice is 100% theirs. Next we ask them to consider why they might want to do what we suggest. Then we only accept from them reasons that are honestly beneficial to them (e.g. “You said you thought you should do this. But I am interested in why might you want to do it, for your own benefit.”).

Win, win.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Alan Levine cc

Why Pushing Your Solution Isn’t The Solution

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Push your solution and you may get it. If you do, it likely will fail to be as good as it could have been. This is true because your solution will miss important things that others know and because others will naturally (if sometimes subtly, as when people maliciously comply) resist anything they haven’t had a say in.

Instead of pushing, pause. Learn the Others’ needs, wants, desires–that is, what would make a win for them. Teach them yours. Then see what solutions emerge between you. The solution you end up with may not be your own and it may appear to take longer to decide upon. But it will be richer, easier to implement (without all the resistance), and more enduring.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Bill Smith cc

The Right-Wrong Trap

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence
Reading time: 2 min.

We fall into the Right-Wrong Trap whenever we try to convince someone we are right. If we fall into this trap, we will have a very difficult time leading, selling, and influencing.

The Right-Wrong Trap proves that leading, selling, and influencing are not at all about the facts, the merits of our argument, or the proof. The trap’s trigger is personal not logical. No one wants to be told what to do, no one want to lose, no one wants to be wrong, no one wants to be rejected, and no one wants to be unsafe. When we try to prove we’re right, they will use habitual defense systems such as arguing back, tattling, saying, “Yes!” but not following through, and avoidance to prevent losing, being wrong, etc.

Thus triggered, we will respond with our own habitual defense systems. And–sproing–we’re in the trap.

The first step out of the trap is to stop trying to convince them that we are right. Having nothing to fight against, they will soon give up their habitual defense moves. The second step is to stand next to them, metaphorically, and put the problem and everyone’s perception of the facts on the table for both sides to explore and solve.

So right.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Minnesota Historical Society cc

The Natural Flow Toward Agreement

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence
Reading time: 1 min.

There is a natural flow of any leadership, sales, or influencing conversation toward agreement. And we can either go with that flow or against it.

Going against the flow looks like us having the answers already, deciding, telling, yelling, demanding, pleading, or complaining. When we go against the flow, we get to the end zone before everyone else and wonder why everyone else hasn’t followed us. We believe that our way will be faster because we cut right to the chase and because it has worked in the past.

But all it really does is generate active or, more often, passive resistance, discord, and delay.

Going with the flow includes constantly building relationships and trust, making sure we understand each other’s perspectives and desires, and exploring together possible solutions that work for both sides until we reach an agreement.

Surely this must take a long time! Nope. Directing conversations to follow this flow works better and faster because we aren’t slowed by the resistance.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Kirt Edblom cc

well loved

A Story

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, What=Compelling Focus
Reading time: 2 min.

There was once a band of smart, dedicated, caring, and simply successful people. Some of them lived in Toronto. The rest were scattered around the globe. Though they didn’t really know each other, each one had guessed that they shared something in common with the others.

Take for instance Kimberly. Every morning, she would sit with her warm beverage of choice, read a little something useful that appeared in her inbox, and think how she might apply that something to her work that day. She would sip from the same chipped but well-loved mug and wonder if the others in the band weren’t doing the exact same thing.

One morning, having just finished her beverage, Kimberly was not surprised to see her colleague Prithviraj coming to her desk. They spent the better part of the last year trying to sign an important new client, AmantiCor. The AmantiCor project would be a huge win for their little company. Prithviraj and Kimberly had been more than intimidated by their bigger, more established competition, BBG Partners. “They are going to eat our lunch,” Prithviraj kept saying. “And our dinner,” Kimberley would respond.

“Read this morning’s note?”

“Just did. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yup. Let’s toss the whole AmantiCor presentation and start again. We don’t need all the consultant-speak and tables. Let BBG confuse them and bore them silly. We’ll keep it real.”

“I’ve already started.”

Of course, they were right. The new presentation worked. AmantiCor agreed and signed on that afternoon.

Later, as she was packing up to go home, Kimberly wondered if others in the band had changed their approach to an important leading, influencing, or selling opportunity that day. She would have been shocked to hear how many had and how effective they all were.

Need to lead, sell, or influence something important? You can lay out your logic, flood them with everything you know, and make your case. None of which they will remember or care to act upon.

Or you can tell a story.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: cobalt123 cc

secret

The Secret Ingredient

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Before we direct, correct, encourage, sell to, influence, plead with, or praise people, let’s take a moment to quietly love them. If we can’t love them, let’s appreciate them. We can find even some small aspect about who they are that we honestly appreciate. It takes a minute or two before a meeting. With practice, we can do it in a second or two.

It’s as if we are opening a small, safe, and completely appropriate channel between our heart and theirs. It reminds us both about our shared humanity. It encourages mutual respect and trust. And it fortifies the foundation upon which we can do great work together.

The secret ingredient we have been seeking is love.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Thai Jasmine (Smile..smile…Smile..) cc