Why We Don’t Fight

Posted on 2 CommentsPosted in We=All Who Matter, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 1 min.

Fighting what we don’t want (at home, work, or in the world-at-large) only pushes people to fight back. Our energy gets drained and our effectiveness is muted. It’s so easy to fall into this trap. But let’s not.

Let’s instead redirect the energy we would have spent fighting to building what we do want. People will then jump in and help. This way our energy multiplies and our effectiveness soars.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Yes, this works everywhere, always.

 

Today’s photo credit: Peder Sterll Boxing gloves via photopin (license)

The Value of Value

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Hiring, Leading, Money, We=All Who Matter
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Hire this person who has the experience or wait to find someone who fits our culture? Discount out of fear that this client will leave or hold out for clients who appreciate and pay for our value?

If we make decisions for expediency and against our values, we give away the value of our values.

Right?

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: BullionVault Bullion bar in sea of coin via photopin (license)

To Have a Productive Meeting

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter
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One way to have a productive meeting is to create a compelling focus by posing a question for the attendees to answer. Then we can facilitate the exploration, learning, and discussion toward answering that question in the meeting.

If the meeting is about setting​ a strategy or policy, we might ask something like, “What’s the best way for us to fund this project?” If it’s something operational we might ask, “What are all the things we need to do to implement this system?” And if we aren’t yet settled on what he meeting should​ be about, we can even ask, “What question, if we answered it well, would be the best one to answer in this meeting?”

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: Of course, meetings covering more than one major topic would need a focus question for each.

 

Today’s photo credit: M i x y que? via photopin (license)

A Huge Payoff

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter
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If I pressure you to cut your prices, then you won’t have the resources or motivation to deliver what I need.

If you push me to accept your opinions or directions, how likely am I to bring all of my mind and heart to helping you now and in the future?

If either of us backs down because the fight is too taxing, how many times can we accept the losses before we quit in exhaustion or frustration?

Though time blurs the connection, win-lose and lose-win always lead to lose-lose. So committing to win-win–that is, investing that bit of extra time to understand what makes a win for each other and to put our heads together to find winning solutions–has a rather huge, sustained payoff.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: 阿虎隊長 JAY_4668 via photopin (license)

‘ext Before ‘ent, Please

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, What=Compelling Focus
Reading time: 2 min.

For the sake of speed at work and home, we tend to concentrate on content: who’s doing what and how & when they are doing it. But, oh wow, does this generate resistance! People will actively or passively fight over these details. They fight mostly because they have no ways or means to agree. Our biggest mistake is trying to press harder and go faster to get past this resistance and on to performance.

The better way is to start with and frequently come back to the context. Context gives us a foundation to agree and build upon. We clarify what is true now, what we want to be true in the future, and why. A great way to kick things off is to ask, “What results will let us know we’ve done a good job here? And how will we know we’ve done a good job along the way to getting those results?” With context set, the content conversations will flow much more easily and productively.

‘ext before ‘ent, please.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: It is so much easier to find agreement or come up with creative win-win solutions at the context level than we ever can at the content level.

PPS: Another word for context is strategy. Another word for content is tactics.

PPPS: The simplest way of describing the difference: why vs. how. Next time you notice the team getting stuck, see if they’re open to setting aside the how for a moment and focusing on the why.

 

Today’s photo credit: Free the Image First contact. via photopin (license)

Getting Others to See It Your Way

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Sales and Influence, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

To get others to see things our way, we can try being louder, more energetic, more logical, more polite, or more correct.

Or (and this is much faster) we can first demonstrate to their satisfaction that we understand their way of seeing it.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: jimsheaffer Disco Ball via photopin (license)

Nothing and No One Needs Fixing

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 1 min.

Where our inner game is off, it normally comes from us nursing a belief about them, us, or the situation being fundamentally broken.

These harsh judgments push us to try to control or fix what’s broken. And this generates huge resistance. It drags down our buzz, drains our batteries, and drives away those we need to work with.

A far more productive and pleasant way to go is to replace these judgments with the perspective that nothing is broken and nothing needs fixing or controlling.

Of course, we will always have problems to solve and things to improve. By tossing the idea of fundamental flaws in us, them, or the situation causing the problems, improvement becomes creative and as easy as changing our socks.

Time to get some great work done, yes?

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Jimmy Hilario

Where the Really Good Solutions Are Hiding

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Most of the conflicts we see in the news and in our businesses are silly and wasteful.  Stuck in our positions, we snipe, grouse, and power-struggle. No solutions (especially those belonging to others) are good enough. We can easily lose faith in our ability to make progress.

This and all conflict melts away when we stop pushing for what what we want and start talking about why we want it. At this level, we tap our shared values and humanity; we open doors to trust. Then the really good solutions–ones invisible while we were stuck in our positions–finally appear.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: I write this because I value effectiveness and think we are better off working together. What about you?

 

Today’s photo credit: MTSOfan You Cannot See Me via photopin (license)

Tough Love

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 1 min.

Seeing unhelpful behavior from someone on the team, we tend to either avoid or press.

If we tend to avoid, we don’t want the conflict. But then we will keep missing the opportunities to call people on unhelpful behaviors. They will believe we tacitly agree with their approach. The longer we wait, the harder it is to call them on it, and the worse it gets.

If we tend to press, we like to tell it like it is. Usually, they will read anger or at least frustration in us. But this unwittingly causes withdrawals from the relationship bank accounts we have with others. The more we press, the more likely they are to give up on us.

Seeing unhelpful behavior, our job is not to press or avoid. It is to go for tough love.

We just have to remember to do both the tough and the love.

 

In your corner,

Mike

 

Today’s photo credit: Erin

The Three Poisons

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Organizations, We=All Who Matter
Reading time: 2 min.

There are three poisons that, left unchecked, will seriously damage our companies: blame shifting, waiting to be poked, and win-lose.

Blame shifting includes defensiveness, making excuses, throwing others under the bus, and complaining.

Waiting to be poked is the tendency to wait for others to initiate and follow up on work. It includes hiding behind rules and procedures, building up unhelpful rules and procedures, avoiding work, protecting the status quo, and doing bare minimums.

Win-lose is the tendency to put self ahead of others. It includes being egotistical, political, aloof, special, or disrespectful with or to anyone. It also includes seeking to come out on top in negotiations and deals, fostering unfair competition, and valuing short-term over long-term gain.

Our role is to spot these poisons whenever they appear, to stop them through redirection, coaching, or reassignment (usually outside the company), and to hire at all levels only those who possess the qualities of personal accountability, self starting, and win-win.

 

In your corner,

Mike

PS: You may find these poisons in action wherever you notice your company struggling.

PPS: We may not be comfortable confronting these poisons. But we must lest our organizations slowly rot from within. Ya, it’s that important.

 

Today’s photo credit: Michael Till p group 08 via photopin (license)