Co-misery

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading
Reading time: 1

The word commiserate comes from Latin: “Com-” meaning with + “miserari” meaning to lament (from “miser” which means wretched).

We have a habit of commiserating. We respond to others’ disconnected, low-buzz state by disconnecting ourselves. When someone is miserable, we join them. If we don’t, they get more miserable. If we do, then we are miserable, too.

Yet no amount of co-misery can help anyone, ever.

Far better for us to remain plugged in and maintaining a high buzz. Only then do we have the resources to help them.

Feel good, then act. Stay connected, then help.

In your corner,

Mike

P.S. Yes, this applies at work. Office politics, project stress, and other stresses tell us our workplaces have lots of co-misery.

P.P.S. Co-misery doesn’t mean we have the same misery. Their form and our form may be the same or different. One may be angry and the other protective. One may be distant and the other in-your-face. Co-misery only says we are feeding off each others’ unplugged, low-buzz negativity.

Why Your Strategy Goes Off the Rails and How to Fix It

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Strategy
Reading time: 2 min.

Most of our time at work we focus on Do: getting done all the stuff that needs to be done.  This is sometimes called Execution. We rightly invest time, energy, and money improving our Do.

Sometimes, we pull back to examine What we should be doing (and why we should do it).  This is sometimes called Strategy. We should focus on making our What better and better.

Too often, though, our Strategy and Execution (our What and Do) go off the rails. Try as we might, the strategy didn’t work as we hoped; what we wanted done didn’t get done. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

Why the struggle? Partly it’s because there are so many market and internal pressures. Partly it’s because keeping everything in check demands lots of willpower. But mostly it’s because our strategies are missing two factors: We and Can.

We: If our strategy isn’t a win for everyone who matters (clients, shareholders, team members, and the community), they will resist. The resistance may be active or passive. To the extent everyone sees our strategy as a win for them, they will jump in.

Can is our head game. If any of us (especially the leaders) have fears, uncertainties, or doubts (most often seen as “Yeah Buts“), our strategies and execution (our What and Do) will suffer. If we have negative judgments/beliefs about ourselves, others, the situation, or the world, our strategies and execution will fall short. The good news is that fixing our head game is simple to do.

To fix our strategies, let’s invest in What We Can Do.

 

In your corner,

Mike

We Could Think of It This Way

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading
Reading time: 1

With all of the evil in the world, we could believe things are becoming worse. Or we can recognize that the same sorts of bad deeds have always happened. But now we’re exposing more.

Thanks, Internet!

And we can feel better knowing that bad always withers in the light. So keep on shining yours.

In your corner,

Mike

Freedom From Isn’t Freedom

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We all always want to be happy, growing, and free. We can think about freedom in two ways. There’s freedom from the things that bug us, stop us, or threaten us. Then there is freedom.

The difference is in how these two ideas feel. When we think about things we want freedom from, we are focused on what we don’t want. And that feels bad. When we think about why we want the freedom we want and how having that freedom would feel, we feel great.

Which way of thinking about freedom will get us closer to what we want?

Right!

 

In your corner,
Mike

Paper Tiger

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading, Will=Our inner game
Reading time: 1

Cognitive dissonance unconsciously drives us to twist things to match our beliefs about ourselves, each other, the situation, and the world. We are all subject to it.

Yet every day, we take in all sorts of new and vital information. Some of it will trigger our cognitive dissonance. To get the benefit of this information, we need to catch and watch as it happens the discomfort that cognitive dissonance causes. We will soon see that cognitive dissonance is a paper tiger: we’re fine, this new information won’t hurt, it will help.

Think of this next time someone gives you information (facts, insights, opinions, feedback) that you don’t agree with.

 

In your corner,
Mike

Buzzzzz Up a Little

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading
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When our buzz is low, we can’t leap to the high buzz we want. Frustrated to Elated, for example, is too big of a jump. But we can raise our buzz to something slightly better.

Take three deep breaths then ask, “What’s a thought that feels slightly better than this?”
In less than a minute you’ll shift. Then do it again or go about your day.

 

In your corner,
Mike

Hate, Anger, Blame

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading
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If we react to what we see happening around us with hate, anger, or blame (no matter how righteous), we will only prolong what we’re seeing.

Hate them and they dig in, raise their defenses, and entrench in their ways.

Love them and they will transform before your eyes.

 

In your corner,

Mike

Generate Results in Meetings

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Leading
Reading time: 1

We might push, posture, protect, or prattle to get results in a meeting. Or we can let go, listen, learn, and lean in.

Which aprroach is more likely to generate results that last beyond the end of the meeting?

Right.

In your corner,

Mike

P.S. And love.

P.P.S. Which approach is more enjoyable, more likely to make meetings something people look forward to not dread?